


It's better this way...

by SilverGlimse_Productions



Category: Sanders Sides, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Gen, tw death, tw suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 00:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverGlimse_Productions/pseuds/SilverGlimse_Productions
Summary: One sentence was all it took to get Virgil to spiral into despair, because he had forgotten his roots… that at heart he was a disease





	It's better this way...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for @random-sanders over on tumblr for the @fander-secret-santa
> 
> Bonus points to the people who can guess which song that inspired me heavily ;)

“You are really starting to become one of us, _Ill Bill_!” Roman chuckled, as he added a few blueberries to his pancake, before dousing it with maple syrup.

            “What’s that supposed to mean, _Sir Sing-a-Lot_?” Virgil growled, before stuffing his face with a piece of the black pancake, that Patton had made just for him… and yes, he was still using that nickname.

            “Oh, you know, I just didn’t expect someone like you to stick around long enough for us to learn your name, and become a full-fletched Side, that’s all~” Roman smirked, turning the fork in his hand, before finally hacking into the pancake in front of him.

 

The two was sitting at the table in the dining room, a Sunday morning, arguing as usual, as Logan was reading the newspaper, and Patton was making more pancakes in the kitchen. It was sort of becoming a tradition to eat breakfast (or brunch as Virgil had announced, when he arrived at 10:02 am, the first time) together on Sundays.

            “I meant the new nickname _Ill Bi_ -“ Virgil stopped, choking on his words, as he realised that what Roman was referring to was the fact that he was an illness, while the others were personality traits. A sense of nausea hit him, and he felt like he was going to throw up. How could he forget?

 

“Virgil, are you _Good, Fahm?_ ” Logan looked up from his newspaper, not used to Virgil stopping in the middle of a sentence, especially when it was directed at Roman “You look _ill_ , want me to get some antibiotics or something?” Logan was the most responsible of the four Sides, so he was the one who stored and controlled all the pills and medicine. If one of the others wanted some of it, they had to get through him first.

            “Yeah, I’m fine Logan, don’t worry about it… I-I just remembered how much Thomas has to socialise the next week, AKA how much I have to work next week, that’s all!” The youngest Side assured. He was going to be fine, he just needed some time to collect his thoughts and relax.

            “Oh, okay. Don’t overwork yourself though…” Logan lectured, concern laced in his voice, turning back to his newspaper. He didn’t have to worry though, Virgil was used to it – they would just need to take a few days off from _everything_ to recharge after next week.

 

_He was going to be fine…_

 

* * *

 

 

He wasn’t fine, quite the opposite, actually. Six days later, and he still couldn’t stop thinking about what Roman had said. He was angry that something _Princey_ had said, could impact him in such a way, it was downright disgusting.

Why was this nickname haunting him like a relentless ghost? It wasn’t like he had forgotten his roots, right? It wasn’t that he wasn’t aware of the fact that he was an illness, right? _It wasn’t like he had convinced himself that he could be_ _~_ _just_ _~_ _a Side, and nothing else…_ right? **_WRONG!_**

He had deluded himself into thinking that this could work… but it couldn’t…

 

The others were personified character traits – something that Thomas embodied, while he was a personified mental illness that plagued Thomas’ daily life… How could he had been so blind?

 

He was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, that he – for thinking purposes – had changed to a dark night sky, only a few stars spotting the otherwise dark purple. He felt horrible, he hadn’t been able to sleep, eat or even look the others in the eyes. The Sides probably just thought that the stressful week was getting to him, thinking that he just needed to have a few days off, but they were so ~very~ wrong!

He felt like a virus or a spy from the enemy’s side. He acted like he had gotten better, and the others were finally beginning to warm up to him, but at what cost? Their guard wasn’t up all the time around him, which was nice… but that only made it easier for him to infect Thomas.

And then he felt it creeping up on him like it had so many times before. That feeling of despair, that granted he was accustomed to, but was still a horrible feeling. Plus, he hadn’t felt it since he had told the others his name… since they had accepted him…

 

It clouded his vision, his hearing, well… his every sense. The side’s heart started throbbing louder and louder, sending more and more blood through his veins, until he could hear nothing but the rush of his own blood. It was affecting Thomas a lot, he was sure, but right now he didn’t care, and even if he did, his senses were still to dulled to do anything. _He couldn’t do anything._ The familiar black hole opened under him, covering the bed and swallowing him whole, and then he was falling.

            Virgil was completely limb, not even able to move a finger. He stared upwards, as his room, faster and faster, disappeared above him. He was gaining momentum. He didn’t care. _He was falling into a dark hole with no escape, and he didn’t care, because even if he did, he couldn’t do anything._

 

And then, all at once, he cared. He could move again, so he tried getting a hold of… anything, that could stop his fall, but there wasn’t any in the blavk hole, just darkness. He was afraid, screaming for help, he was going to die.

            Why was this happening? Usually, the cloud filling up his body only disappeared ~after~ he was done falling. Virgil screamed for help, his tears – not being able to catch up – flew upwards, towards the ever-fading light. He was going to die, he was actually going to die! The Side didn’t even dare to think about what this was doing to Thomas. Virgil was ruining him… maybe it would be best for everyone if he did die… after that he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else…

 

Thomas would probably be better off without him – for real this time, and the other sides would forget about him soon enough…

            … So, he stopped looking for something to grab onto, closed his eyes, and accepted his fate…

 

* * *

 

Virgil’s eyes bolted open. He was still alive, he was in his room, and he was still alive… for now. But not for long, as the youngest had made up his mind…

 

He stood up from his bed, and headed over to his mirror, making himself look presentable for the Side’s standards – something he hadn’t bothered all week. He touched up his eyeshadow, dusted off his hoodie, and walked out of his own room, down the corridor, and stopped in front of the dark blue door leading into Logan’s room. Virgil stared at the door for a few seconds, considering if he should knock or not. _No, he’s not going to give it to you._ Instead, he decided to get Thomas to do it for him.

 

He had to act quickly, if the others found out what he was doing, they would try to stop him.    

“T **H** O **M** A **S** …” he said, making sure to layer his voice just a bit, as soon as he popped into reality, to make sure Thomas would listen. He always felt bad using _the voice_ on Thomas, but it was for his own good.

            Thomas, who had been sitting on his laptop, eyes glued to the screen a moment ago – probably deflating from the week of stress, looked up in confusion “Yes, Virgil?” His eyes were glazed slightly over, _the voice_ obviously working.

            “I **n** e **e** d **y** o **u** t **o** g **o** g **e** t **s** o **m** e **a** n **t** i **d** e **p** r **e** s **s** a **n** t **s** f **o** r **m** e… **q** u **i** c **k** l **y** ” Virgil said, matter-of-factly. Thomas nodded, heading out towards his car, and beginning to drive towards the nearest pharmacy. Virgil sighed, popping back in to the mindscape, and headed into his room, where he turned up the music, even louder that usual, to try and block out the car engine. The others shouldn’t hear anything. 

 

* * *

 

 

The drugs were starting to kick in, quickly, which wasn’t really a surprise since he had swallowed them all.

            It was the middle of the night. He didn’t want the Sides to notice anything, so he had waited until he could hear the last lamp being turned off for the night, before he sat his plan into motion. He was starting to get dizzy, when it hit him… _Oh, shit_ … he had forgotten to write a note!

 

Hurriedly pulling out a pen and a piece of paper from his desk drawer, Virgil began writing:

_Dear Sides_

_I am sorry for barging in and ruining the little peace and quiet, that you had before I showed up._

_I have thought about it long and hard, and the conclusion I have come to is that it would be better for all of us, if I clocked out for good, so that’s what I’m doing._

_I will no longer be a nuisance to you, or be a wrench in your plans._

_I am tired of being the odd one out, even though you have tried to make me feel like I’m part of the group, it would never have worked out, as I will always at heart be a defect. A disease._

_You are all aspects of Thomas’ personality, and I am not. I am a disease, and that will never change._

_Please, try to forget me, since I have only given you pain and nothing else. It’s better this way, trust me._

_~~Virgil~~ _ _… Anxiety_

He stood up from his desk, placing the note… somewhere, fell, and shut his eyes for good.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Logan, Patton, and Roman were sitting around the dining table, eating an unhealthy amount of pancakes.

            Patton glanced at the clock… 10:45 am. He stood up, and excused himself, grabbing Virgil’s plate of pancakes, and prepared himself for going into the other side’s room.

            This practice was pretty common by now, Virgil was the one who slept in the most of the four Sides, since he would be the one who normally stayed up the longest. Patton always brought the youngest Side’s breakfast with him, when he went to go wake him. Virgil was almost always grumpy, when he didn’t get to wake up on his own, so to sweeten the deal he was allowed to eat in his room, something the others weren’t.

 

Patton opened the door to Virgil’s room “Hey kiddo! I brought pan-“ the rest of the sentence got caught in his throat, as he took in the sight. He was used to the darkness of the Side’s room, but it wasn’t that that kept him frozen, and made him drop the pancakes.

            Everything was silent, except for the blood rushing through Patton, and the plate breaking as it hid the ground.

 

Virgil’s lifeless body, his hand next to an empty bottle of pills, was all that the pun-loving Side could see.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, as the Sides were cleaning out the youngest room, they found his suicide note… most of the words and letters were an unreadable mess, jumbled together, written in haste, almost like an afterthought… like Virgil had written them after he had taken most – if not all – of the pills. Only a single piece of a sentence was even halfway legible… _It’s better this way…_

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr if you want to follow me in day to day life: http://silverglimse-productions.tumblr.com/  
> Have a nice day!


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